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Sir William Thompson was very deaf but he did not like people to know this.
One evening he had invited several friends to dinner, and while they were
sitting at the table, one of the friends told a funny story. Everyone
laughed, and Sir William, who had laughed as loud as anyone, said, "That was
a very funny joke, but I know a funnier one. Would you like to hear it?"
They all said they would, so Sir William began his story. When it ended,
everyone laughed louder than ever and Sir William smiled happily. But he
didn't know the reason for their laughter. He had told the very same story
that his friend had just told.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around
that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon
until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone
who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many
people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody
could do it. One day a scrawny little man wearing thick glasses and a
polyester suit came in and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try
the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed
a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind
to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the
man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As
the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000, and asked the little man,
"What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or
what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
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